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उत्तराखंडी ई-पत्रिका

उत्तराखंडी ई-पत्रिका

Sunday, January 29, 2012

God! Release the High Pressure of Finance Minister


(Satire from Garhwal, Satire from Kumaun, Satire from Himalaya)
 From Here and There

                                               God! Release the High Pressure of Finance Minister

                                                                     Bhishm Kukreti
            
                        Common people think that the election contenders are under tremendous pressure. However, it is Finance Minister of ruling party who is in reality under terrific pressure than others at the time of present election season.
           Finance minister being an active politician has to handle many crises than national financial crises as crisis of his own party‘s hourly infightings, his own moment to moment family crisis, crisis created by high command, crises created by main allies in collision government, catastrophe created by alternate allies reserve for in case main allies leave the alliance, cataclysm of allies on hold back as alternate for main alternative allies.
      In election season, the finance minister has to manage the election resource management of the party and keep inflation at lowest possible level too.  Therefore, today’s finance minister is always away from his financial laboratory set side rooms of finance minister cabin where the actual action is for solving all crises.
               Yesterday, I happened to visit the financial laboratory of finance minister who was as usual, away for resolving other crises than the state financial crisis.  His aides were busy in the revenue lab.
              The chief aide was before election funding furnace. Suddenly, there was cry of third aide of chief aide from recession blocking device vassal, “Instead, recession is amplifying.”  Chief aide rushed at the site and examined the transparent reasoning pots surrounding recession blocking vessel. Chief aide ordered to his third aide, “Order to RBI to print more currency notes by evening to lower down recession. Ruling party bosses can’t bear the recession till election results are declared.”  
 There was shrill whimper from the consumer durable inflation check block where a newly recruited aide of chief aide was sobbing,” The unwanted currency notes are increasing inflation for consumer durables.”
The chief aide shouted back, “You probationary officers! Instead of recognizing real facts learning, you guys always provide your views. Inflation hike in consumer durables is not because of excess currency notes availability but because of Chinese effects. Give order to reduce import duty on consumer durables but with any publicity and no opposition party should know the fact.”
 The chief heard a laud siren from perishable goods price inflating container and he dashed there. The aide in charge o perishable goods price inflating container said, “Due to sudden high fund pumping in MANREGA, Pradhan Mantri  Gareeb Hit Yojna, Health scheme;  there is inflation in perishable goods prices and if we don’t check the fund pumping there all possibilities of bursting of perishable goods  price inflation vessel. “
 The chief aide happily asked,” You seem to be transferred from telecom ministry under temporary punishment therapy. What do you suggest for checking of perishable goods price inflation?”
The officer under temporary punishment therapy quickly answered, “We should block all MANREGA, Prime Minister ‘social cause based funding immediately.”
The chief aide said pleasingly, “But it will result for ruling party loosing election.”  
The officer suggested, “Then we should apply ‘Income Tax Threat Fast Moving Spray’ on traders of vegetables and other food items.”
Gladly the chief aide signaled for using ‘Income Tax Threat Fast Moving Spray’ on traders of vegetables and other food items at very high speed.
 At one corner, there was a big non-transparent vessel labeled as ‘Industry Development Fund’. However, everybody including opposition leader who was finance minister of last government and CBI officials  that this vessel is in reality the election funding reservoir for the ruling party. The said vessel started shrinking at very high speed, a big harsh noise started coming from the vessel and everybody in the lab was worried as if there is collation government fall. The chief aide banged at the site. He studied all the input and output canals, channels and tubes.  
 The chief aide asked the in charge of ‘election funding reservoir for the ruling party ‘for the reasons of sudden steep fall in the funding from the industrialists.
The officer in charge answered,” No industrialist is confident of any political parties winning election by full majority including ruling party winning the election and every industrialist has been funding for every political party including independents and newest parties. We injected over dozes of fresh benefits to all industries as catalytic objectives   but due to strong confusion principle, the over dozes are also not working”
The chief aide instructed,” Beam the highly condensed warning signals at atomic speed for ‘Enforcement raid, Foreign Money Laundering raids’ into the selected industrial beakers and vessels.”
The assisting aide pushed the instructed signal button and initially at slow momentum but soon the ‘election funding reservoir for the ruling party’ started swelling.
 The chief aide said to his immediate aide, “I have to attend a meeting about settling the quarrelsome chemical and ultra physical reactions from ally’s parties ruling in various states. You look after the lab. In case of emergency and confusion, you read the old history. You will find every remedy for every hazard as fundamentally, nothing has changed bureaucratically and political maneuvering   since 1952 election scene.”

 Satire from Garhwal, Satire from Kumaun, Satire from Himalaya will be continued……
Copyright@ Bhishm Kukreti