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उत्तराखंडी ई-पत्रिका

उत्तराखंडी ई-पत्रिका

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Ghanna Bhai in Uttarakhand Assembly


Just a Satire
                                   Ghanna Bhai in Uttarakhand Assembly

           (Satire from Garhwal, Satire from Uttarakhand, Himalayan Satire)

                                     Bhishm Kukreti
   My all family members and relatives of my Lakad dada, fakad dada (far relatives) are confident that great Garhwali stage performer Ghanna  Bhai will win Pauri Assembly seat from BJP ticket.
           I was thinking about the technique Ghanna Bhai would apply in Uttarakhand assembly as a MLA.
  Definitely, Ghanna Bhai will use ‘Adviser’ humor while addressing assembly. His advisory humor would be, “All politicians should hear people’s grievances   barring   present MLAs.”
   However, my sister’s grandson states that it would be better that Ghanna Bhai uses anecdotes more often to prove that Ghanna Bhai does not believe in bluffing his colleagues. Though, as a politician, Ghanna Bhai would bring water through sieves (matyanl bhaurik pani lan) , nobody would  believe on him.
 Then, my elder cousin advices Ghanna Bhai through me for using use of aside humor very little.
My ‘Door-Ki- Bhabhi’ (in between me and the eldest brother,  there are six other brothers) plainly says that banter humor would be sufficient  for Ghanna Bhai because definitely there would be witty  remarks from congressmen in UK assembly  and  wit for wit is the best remedy in any war as political war.
My fufa’s grand daughter is of opinion that without fail Ghanna Bhai will use blend word hilarity in assembly as Ghannaa Bhai is most capable of cocktailing Garhwali, Nepali and Hindi words for making new word for ridiculing his opponents in his own party. 
My wife’s third mausi is worried about Ghanna Bhai using blue humor to teas his bodily weak opponents. However, ‘mausi’s  kakya saas is confident that Ghanna Bhai would be ignorant of word blue humor and we should post a pocket English-Hindi dictionary that reminds Ghanna Bhai that blue humor is very useful to teas own wife but very bad for  irritating   other’s wives or husbands as  blue humor is based on easily offensive subjects like making love, body parts or body functions.  
All my relatives are agreeing that Ghanna Bhai does not need mistake based humor because Congress as strong opposition party will make attacks on blunders of BJP and not Ghanna Bhai embarrassing his party by his blunder based jokes.
My all relatives are of agreement that Ghanna Bhai will always use now and there bull based absurdity like the sentence, “The honest people never enter in politics and crooks infrequently get chance to win election”.  Or Ghanna Bhai may say participating on Garhwali as in 8thschedule discussion, “Garhwali is one of the oldest Indian languages, a great language spoken by a very few Garhwalis in Garhwal and evry migrated Garhwali loves her/his mother tongue but don’t want to talk in Garhwali.”
 There is no disagreement among my relatives that Ghanna Bhai will often use parody for ridiculing Congress and definitely the parody would be based on the songs of Narendra Singh Negi. However, Ghanna Bhai will never use ‘kathga Khailya’ song because definitely Nishank would be angry on Ghanna Bhai.  Ghanna Bhai will never create parody of songs sung by Gajendra Rana as political speech because even insensible person does not make parody of songs which are already parodies.  Each of my relatives is positive that Ghanna Bhai will not be insensible even after entering politics and that too joining BJP.
  Definitely, Ghanna Bhai will use caricature as base for his speech and would speak in assembly, “ in congress, you will not find a single ‘chamcha’ of Soniya Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi because every Congressman loves Maneka Gandhi and Varun Gandhi.”
There are hundred percent chances that when Ghanna Bhai will use ‘The Catch Tale’ humor base for his speech, there would be walk outs from the house by Congress as due to uproar, nobody would have heard the concluding sentence of Ghanna Bhai.
If by any chance, Ghanna Bhai would use conundrum the listeners would not be puzzled but Ghanna Bhai would be more puzzled for his sentences as,” Why did politicians stop putting on caps?  Because Khadi is costlier than hair dressers.”
  Ghanna Bhai will use exaggeration and hyperbole   in his humorous speeches and his opponents would might mind or would not mind and laughed when Ghanna Bhai informed, “  In my area,  the elephant  size wild boar are busy destroying  the potato fields and congress is busy building Ram Temple in Aodhya.”
  The most problem for Congress members would be on  Ghanna Bhai’s ironical  comments  as when Ghanna Bhai will comment of a Congress leader  , “ Tai din tyar bwe bab bhatt bujna raund na t..” Tthe literal translation of the comment is “If your parents would be roasting Soybeans!”  However, the real hidden meaning of the sentence is “It was wrong on parts of your parents conceiving you.”
 Many times by habit as a satirist, Ghanna Bhai would do error by criticizing BJP instead of Congress and  later on would corrected it by using recovery humor.
 Definitely, the Congress members would be always afraid of ability of using wisecracks, situational humor, repartee, switching humor etc   by Ghanna Bhai.
 When my relatives came to know that I shall publish their comments, everybody advised me for not publishing the above lines. In their opinion, if BJP comes in power I shall never get Uttarakhand government recognition for my service in Garhwali literature as Ghanna Bhai and his vices will accuse me for ridiculing him. If Congress comes in power I shall not get recognition for my service for the dying language because every Congress man would criticize me that I did publicity for Ghanna Bhai and not for any congress candidate through ridiculing.

Satire from Garhwal, Satire from Uttarakhand, Himalayan Satire to be continued …
Copyright@ Bhishm Kukreti