South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti
My Uttarakhandi friend, who stays in a skyscraper tower in Mumbai, has two worries. The first and foremost worry is to settle in America and another worry is development in rural Uttarakhand.
Whenever he gets free time, he called the renowned Uttarakhandi social workers of Mumbai and discuss with them in details about development in Uttarakhand. Nearly after two years he got free time and he called ten current super stars in Uttarakhandi social circle to discuss an extremely worrying and very important issue .
Since, the meeting was just a discussion and there was no fear of responsibility or action for any social worker, everybody reached in time sharp at 6PM at my friend’s six thousand square feet duplex flat.
My friend who is real lover of rural Uttarakhand explained his agenda of the meet,” I am too much worried about increasing alcohol consumptions in villages of my motherland.”
The meeting ran for two hours but nobody could talk seriously about how to stop alcohol consumption in rural Uttarakhand and how to bring to a halt,” Surya Ast Uttarakhandi Mast”
At sharp 8PM, my Uttarakhand devotee friend declared,” I think nobody is able to offer us innovative idea for stopping alcohol consumption in Uttarakhand, Therefore, let us goes to my bar”
Taking us to his latest bar , he informed,” Famous ‘Aerostudio Architect in Caba San Lucas, Mexico designed my bar and nobody has this type of bar in India.”
After taking seats and getting first glass of starting drink of ‘SweetKiss Cocktail” , every social worker felt that new ideas are emerging in their minds for stopping alcohol consumption in Uttarakhand.
After finishing first peg within a minute and sipping second cocktail named ‘Drunken Grandma’ by mixing Tequila and Vodka’ , the oldest social worker told,” The government should stop providing quotas to ex-army men of Uttarakhand. These ex- army men are the biggest culprits in increasing the alcoholic consumption in villages”
Taking another fresh peg of cocktail named ‘Absinthe Liquor’ made from Bacardi, my Uttarakhandi aficionado rich friend said,” I totally agree with you that ex-army people are one of the culprits making young people habitual of alcoholic consumption”
Gulping in one shot the third cocktail drink named ‘Madman’s First Love’ made by mixing Marie Brizard Banana liquor with Cognac, another seasoned social worker advised,” The state government should establish anti alcoholic squad in every village”
Relishing Coquito Bueno drink, my rich friend encouraged,” You are absolutely right”
Guzzling a peg of Cranberry Cordial made by light rum, the young social worker recommended,” I strongly advocate that teaching community should be given extra responsibility for counseling and preaching the rural community”
Getting extra pleasure from the Italian Limoncello peg, my affluent friend clapped and said,” Oh! Ground breaking idea! From the young generation”
Finishing fourth peg of Sangria Liqueur Classic, lawyer by profession and legal advisor of all Uttarakhandi social organizations in Mumbai give his opinion, “There is a strong need of reformation in prohibition laws in Uttarakhand”
Savoring Bastardized Screwdriver peg, my moneyed friend commented “Definitely, I will also write a letter to all ministers in Uttarakhand for reforming prohibition laws immediately”
Like that the discussion ran for many hours till next morning .My extra prosperous friend concluded the meeting with sipping ‘GoodKnitght Kiss’ wine cocktail, “This was excellent intellectual discussion and our brothers sisters will definitely get good help from our ideas in stopping alcohol consumption in rural Uttarakhand”
At the end of the meet, my friend asked me,” Send the gist of this splendid discussion to all newspapers in Uttarakhand and copies to each M.L.A and M.P. of Uttarakhand.”
A answered delightfully, “Yesterday afternoon, I have already posted the gist of meeting to all newspapers in Uttarakhand and copies to all legislator.”
Surprisingly, he asked, “How come?”
I explained,” For decades, we Uttarakhandi social workers in Mumbai, invariably, in each cocktail party, discuss the matter of worries for increasing alcohol consumption and in each cocktail party; we discuss the same solutions to stop alcohol consumption in rural Uttarakhand”
He was more delighted,” It means we are very serious about our motherland “
I supported him and said,” Yes! We Uttarakhandis of Mumbai and other cities are always worried about Uttarakhand, specially, when we are drunk”
Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, India, 2010