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उत्तराखंडी ई-पत्रिका

उत्तराखंडी ई-पत्रिका

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Autobiographies of Contemporary Cricketers


[English Satire; English Satire by Migrated Garhwali writer, English Satire by Garhwali writer, English Satire by Uttarakhandi writer, English satire by Himalayan; English Satire by mid Himalayan writer; English Satire by Indian writer; English Satire by South Asian writer; English Satire by Asian  writer]
                                                        Bhishm Kukreti
                        These days, Indian cricketers are finding difficult to make run, to run fast and very difficult to out the whole opposite team twice in a test match.. Every Indian is asking the answer from each cricketer for Indian cricket team not winning abroad. 
                       It is difficult for each cricketer to reply every Indian for his non winning strategy abroad. Therefore, every member of Indian current cricket team is busy in writing autobiography.
  However, every Indian can guess about the quality of each autography written by current cricket team members.
            Like everybody guesses that the autobiography of Virendar Sahwag would be exciting and full of hopelessness.  Shawag will write about his worst days, when he had to play for ONGC in Panvel and Dehradun for getting his form back. Sahwag would definitely have inked about Chappel’s instructions that when the ball is swinging above the knee Sahwag should keep his bat at thirty three degree from his shoulder to get four, when the ball is moving twenty nine degree away from off stump Sahwag should move the bat forty three and half degree with the pressure of three tons on bat handle and half a ton on middle of bat to get two runs from gully and one run from fine leg. Sahwag would be writing concluding Chappel chapter, “Since, I was very weak in geometry I choose cricket by bunking geometry classes from my fifth standard; I could not understand what Chappel meant forty five degree etc. However, with conversation with Cahppel I could understand that unless Indian boys knew about full knowledge of geometry they can’t be fine cricketers. Therefore, in the name of Cricket Academy I opened a convent school for ultra rich children where even history teachers will teach geometry to students.” Every Indian would be sure that one chapter out of five chapters of Sahwag’s autobiography would be exciting and rest of four would be full of utter misery.
   The autobiography of Gautam Gambhir would be readable but readers wouldn’t find any class in writing and incidents cited in the book.  
           No Indian will doubt about the class of autobiography by Rahul Dravid. Every word and phrase would be correct and readers would not find any difference of class in first page to back cover of the book. The critics would be rating autobiography under the category of Classics of Indian literature.
          Even after so much pressure from Sharad Panwar, Sachin will never write his biography till he retires from cricket. Therefore nobody can guess about his biography as we can’t guess about when Sachin would make his hundredth century.
            The autography of V.V.S Laxman would be a fine example of autobiography but Indian journalists and media will not care informing Indian citizens about Laxman’s autobiography. Only Australians will come to know about the book and not Indians.
              Dhoni’s autography will have more sponsors than the words of the book and there will be advertisement of alcoholic brands in every page but not as alcohol but as playing cards or music albums and readers will never find those playing cards or music albums anywhere in this galaxy. Dhoni will definitely explain about his very close relationship with Uttarakhand and Jharkhand. Jharkhand and Uttarakhand governments will declare Dhoni’s autography as sate symbols.
              The autobiographies Of Yuvraj Singh and Harmindar Singh will have more chapters on Mauj-Masti and Bollywood than cricket.
                      The autobiography of Suresh Raina will be fine example for writers as the half pager and one pager chapter will be interesting from first paragraph to concluding line but the two or five pagers chapter will be disaster in terms of quality and the way last line is concluded.  
             The autobiographies of Virat Kohli and Rohit Sharma will be disaster in quality and longevity of the book.
        The autobiography of Zahir Khan would be fine but the sales would be erratic as couple of book sellers in Australia would report fine sales and all the British book sellers would return books due to inconsistent paper quality and terrible binding.   
 Many other contemporary cricketers have their biographies ready but no publisher would have bet on players who themselves are not sure about their future in test cricket.
Copyright@ Bhishm Kukreti
 English Satire; English Satire by Migrated Garhwali writer, English Satire by Garhwali writer, English Satire by Uttarakhandi writer, English satire by Himalayan; English Satire by mid Himalayan writer; English Satire by Indian writer; English Satire by South Asian  writer; English Satire by Asian  writer to be continued…